Through Ben’s Eyes October 26, 2009

A few weekends ago, we went to the cabin in the mountains of northern Pennsylvania with my husband’s family. We took the grandchildren for a walk to pick up fall leaves. It was a gorgeous October afternoon– a bit past the peak of fall colors, but still full of beauty.

My son, Ben, was the slowest of the walkers, so I hung back with him as he chose leaf after leaf after leaf for his “treasure bag.” After I watched him choose what appeared to me to be very ordinary dead leaves, with brown spots and without much color, I decided to ask him a question. “Ben, why are you choosing those leaves? They don’t have much color and they have ugly brown spots on them.” To which he replied, “Mom, God made these, too!” He twisted his face as if to say, why can’t you see what I’m seeing, Mom, because it’s so obvious!

It’s something we’ve heard a thousand times in Christian circles, that beauty is everywhere and we just need to learn to see people and things the way God sees them. But as I was sharing this story with my spiritual director and bemoaning my inability to do this well– to see with God’s eyes and appreciate all the gifts in my life, large or small, she responded in a surprising way.

“Kris Anne, it is already in you to do this. You have the eyes to see, and it’s only your unwillingness to believe in the light within you that is keeping you from blossoming into all the potential that God has placed within you. Think about your mom. You have told me before that she had little worldly beauty, yet she was beautiful to you. You loved her hands and her eyes, her spunk and mischievous wink. You know true beauty. The Spirit has given you great power… you just don’t believe that yet.” The truth struck me head-on.

I wonder sometimes if we, in the same way, underestimate God-in-us as faith communities. Do we have faith to believe that it is already in us, as the Body of Christ, to see with God’s eyes and to act in God’s power to bring the Kingdom into visible expression? Do I believe in the Spirit at work in my own church community… or, as our shortcomings and struggles rise to the surface, do I underestimate what we’re capable of?

bored September 22, 2009

I’m sitting on my family room floor watching the premiere of a new series on abc, called The Forgotten. It’s about civilian volunteers that take on cases of unidentified murder victims. The featured group of volunteers is trying to recruit a new guy, an artist who specializes in sculpting people. This dialogue struck me (not a direct quote from the show… just from my memory):

“I can’t do this. I can’t sculpt a dead girl. It’s creepy.”

“Fine. Go back to tagging city buildings. Go ahead.”

“Look, I was just bored… why do you do this? Why do you bother trying to identify these people… like telling their families their kid is dead is really gonna help. They’re already grieving. What difference does it make? Grief is grief.”

“There is a difference, and the difference matters. It matters a great deal. You can go back to being bored or you can help us make a difference. Choose.”

I have been talking to a friend quite a bit over the last few days about church and how one goes about choosing a church to call “home.” It has me thinking about why in the world I have chosen a church home that is 45 minutes away, in a community where I do not live or work (especially since being missional in my own community is a growing passion in my life).

The truth is I was bored. I was bored with programs and clubs and established systems that resist any change. I was bored with worship planning meetings and youth sponsor meetings that felt like they were planning the same events as last year, just renaming them. Honestly, it was more than boredom. It was frustrating! I wanted to stand up and say, “We can’t do every good thing! We can’t pursue every good idea. We need to make choices. We need to decide what our values are, how we can make the most difference in our community and drop the other stuff. There are plenty of churches offering programs and hardly any addressing the hidden poverty and suffering here… the resources of a large church directed at a specific need in the community could actually do something for the Kingdom, something more than maintaining what we have here.”

What I have discovered at Highland Park Community Church is a far cry from boredom. Sure, it also has it’s frustrations. But, wow. They are clear about the fact that they can’t and won’t do it all. They are clear about their values and if something doesn’t line up with the values, they let it go. Not because it’s necessarily bad or unbiblical but because they are crystal clear about what they are about– and it has nothing to do with buildings or campuses or clubs or catering to the particular tastes of the people in the pews. It has everything to do with bringing the Kingdom of God, in all of its justice and mercy and love and grace, into a visible expression in Levittown. That keeps my attention. You better believe it.

a small attempt at missional September 22, 2009

I dropped off eleven of these letters today. It was nothing profound or amazing. It may have made very little difference in our community… but I wanted to do it, to make contact and acknowledge that what our family does also affects the other families nearby.

the beginning

Dear neighbors,
We wanted to take a few moments to thank you for bearing with us over these months, as we have worked on our backyard. You have been so patient through all the dirt, machinery, noise and activity… and mess. Many of you have stopped by to offer encouragement and check out the progress. We feel blessed to live int his neighborhood, among such gracious people. We hope, as we finish up all the work and the decks are finally built, to invite all of you to stop by some evening for food and fun in the new backyard. That might not be until spring, but it will happen (this can’t last forever, right??)! Thanks again for your patience during this huge undertaking. Blessings, the Swartleys.

the middle

Scars September 8, 2009

Emily, at Think.Laugh.Weep.Worship put up another great post today.

Check it out.

http://thinklaughweepworship.blogspot.com/2009/09/theology-of-stretch-marks.html

Struggling with mission August 26, 2009

One of my new responsibilities at Highland Park Community Church is to prayerfully shape our identity as a people “on mission with God.” The church is not the church unless it’s a sent people… just as Jesus was sent and the Holy Spirit was sent– we also are sent. It is our privilege and our burden to be part of God’s reconciling work in the world, reconciling all things to Himself through Jesus. God, your Kingdom come, your will be done here!

As well as I can articulate these things, still I have been struggling through this. Our little congregation is still a fledging faith community in so many ways. In our thoughts and “church habits” we are still steeped in the old ways of being church, doing church. There is a strong temptation to become the social club– you know, the men’s club, women’s club, children’s clubs, teen club. Our resources are few, and we could so easily end up dumping them into the clubs, with little if anything left to spend on our community.

I have talked to a few people who seem to want to convince me that the clubs are good and actually can be a ministry to our community… but I have grown up in that world… and it’s just not so. I apologize if that sounds overly critical. Add to that the facts of church work, that 20% of the people do 80% of the work, and I cannot in good conscience spend time and resources on the things that only serve to make us ingrown. Is Bible study a waste? No. Are small groups bad? No, of course not. Is Christian education for our children without purpose? No, I believe in solid Christian education for my own kids. I want them to know the Bible stories, to know how to connect with God.

However… (you knew that was coming, right?)… I have a strong conviction that we spend so much on these things, in an effort to build community in our churches, that we neglect our actual physical community, our neighborhoods and neighbors. We become a social club, a christian clique. So the question I am struggling with now is this: how do we build community at HPCC, this infant church, while also being on mission with God in our community? No Christian bubble, but authentic relationships that are outward focused, pouring our limited resources into our neighbors– spending our money and time and energy and talents on those alienated from God’s Love, Justice and Mercy. Is it possible that we will stumble upon authentic community while we work together on mission with God? Will it happen unintentionally, as we labor, shoulder to shoulder?

God is among the poor and oppressed (see Matthew 25). Where are they in Highland Park and how can we bring Good News to them? How do we, at the same time, bond with one another on the journey and form honest, loving relationships? It’s a conundrum… but one I’m glad to be in the middle of… I’d hate to be trying to “undo” the social club right now.

beauty and pain August 26, 2009

Great post. Amazing. Well-written. Gives voice to passions I have also felt.

http://www.emergingwomen.us/2009/07/13/we-will-be-whole/comment-page-1/#comment-5357

Hello? July 7, 2009

You may be wondering if/when I’ll ever blog again… I’m wondering, too.
Perhaps after family vacation. We’re going to Chincoteague with my husband’s family for a week– looking forward to seeing the ponies, enjoying some good ice cream and beach play.

Lately, our family has been very busy with our backyard pool project (we’re putting in an above-ground pool, but sinking it into the ground a bit, so it’s more like an inground pool). I’ve also started volunteering at our church two days a week, so that has changed my schedule.

Another fairly new development in my life is spiritual direction. I haven’t had a spiritual director for years, and I have found a wonderful sister at the St. Francis Spiritual Center in Aston, PA. She has been speaking encouraging and challenging words into my life and has pointed me toward some wonderful resources to use in meditation and prayer. My soul is feeling nourished in a way that is hasn’t been for quite a while. Ahhhh!

Here is one resource I’m currently using for prayer, if you’d like to check it out on Amazon: Psalms for Praying: an invitation to wholeness by Nan C. Merrill. I highly recommend it. She takes the Psalms and anywhere God is spoken of, she uses the word LOVE or BELOVED. It’s a good reminder for those of us who tend to live in our heads (yes, that’s us graduate students!!!!)… or for anyone yearning to know God’s Love more intimately.

See you after vacation!

A must-read for men… and women June 12, 2009

Loving this post at Gifted for Leadership, concerning women’s contributions to church leadership throughout the ages! Read it if you’re an egalitarian. Read it if you’re a complimentarian. Read it if you’re undecided on the matter. Just please read it.

Community art? June 11, 2009

For all those who were wondering, yes I’m still alive and I have returned from Italy! I hope to blog some thoughts and reflections, maybe even some pictures, in the near future.

But for now, some thoughts on art… which I feel a bit strange writing about, because when it comes to visual arts, I have very little (if any) talent. I was reminded of that today as I attempted to finish a few pages in my son’s baby scrapbook. It’s a good thing I only committed to doing baby scrapbooks for my children, and not one for each year of their life.

Back to the topic at hand, though– the pastor who I work with at Highland Park Community Church has a vision for using art in worship, and I have been intrigued and inspired by the idea. Drawing, painting, dancing, photography, etc. all seem like wonderful ways to express love and connection to God. And it also seems like something that may draw people from the community into a building they would not normally enter… a church building.

These thoughts came back to me as I happened to be reading an old issue of Reader’s Digest (from August 2003). There is an article by Kathryn Renner on p. 211, having to do with a community art piece that had a powerful impact on one neighborhood:

Jan, a self-taught artist, decided to ask each person in her neighborhood to paint his or her face on one big canvas… first, she painted a grid on the canvas and propped it up on an easel in the garage, next to a table of paints. Then whenever Jan was home, the ‘art room’ door was up, with an open invitation for enighbors to paint on a square. the first to stop in were kids riding by on theri bikes… But the adults weren’t so eager. ‘Most said they hadn’t picked up a brush since kindergarten,’ Jan says. ‘They were afraid they’d mess it up.’ But as word slowly spread, they came, some using their driver’s license photos as models. Then something started to happen. They came back– to see who had painted, or if they could recognize who was who. While in Jan’s garage, they began to chat about re-modeling projects, schools, jobs, and families. Wendy, who lived across the street and was fighting breast cancer, came in her wheelchair to watch the fun every day. When the worst happened and Wendy died, they stood by her husband, Bill, and invited him over for meals… This summer has been different in Jan’s neighborhood. Famlies take turns hosting happy hours. They share birthdays and swim in each other’s pools. ‘We’re watching over each other now, just like in the painting,’ says Jan.

I’m wondering, could we do something like this for our communities, as congregations? …use art to build relationships and connection with one another, to break down barriers and welcome one another into our lives? What do you think?

Pilgrimage May 13, 2009

My seminary cohort, the group I have spent the last three years studying, conversing and sometimes arguing with (in love of course!), is busily preparing to go to Italy at the end of the month. We have been reading some books and repsonding to them:

Serving with Eyes Wide Open: doing short-term missions with cultural intelligence by David Livermore
The Road to Emmaus: pilgrimage as a way of life by Jim Forest
La Bella Figura: a field guide to the Italian mind by Beppe Severgnini

The book I’ve been ruminating over the most is the one on pilgrimage as a way of life. Basically, Forest encourages his readers to approach every day of their lives as a journey with Christ and toward Him, to anticipate meeting Christ in others in every moment, to live with a constant sense of awareness of God’s Presence. *sigh* I do not do this well. I tend to live by lists… I make them and I check things off. Laundry, check. Shopping, check. Pick songs for Sunday, check. Send emails, check. Set up babysitting, check. Dishes, check. Cleaning, check….

I am an extrovert for sure, and enjoy spending time with people; but I can be very task oriented and have probably been more so over the last three years as I added school to my already full life. After reading this book, I long to slow down and savor each moment (even if my hands are busy with household or church tasks). I want to notice things and notice people. I want to live with my eyes wide open so that I do not miss where Christ wants to meet me in another… even, perhaps, my children… especially my children! It sounds idealistic and impossible, yet does that make it a worthless pursuit? Something in me yearns for that kind of spiritual growth and formation. In one sense, I don’t care if I never reach the goal. The point is the journey.

For more information on our cohort trip to Italy, visit