living process

I can tell I watched too much TV growing up. Have you ever noticed that when it comes to that part in the drama or movie when someone has to learn something or spend a significant amount of time taking small steps toward an end goal, time gets seriously compressed? Music plays, everyone speeds up, days or weeks jump by in a matter of seconds… *poof* all done! Smart as I can be sometimes, I still expect that to happen in real life. I’m no good at this every day, moment by moment living. It frustrates the hell out of me.

Admitting my problem is the first step to recovery, right? “Hi, my name is Kris Anne and I am addicted to the quick, easy and instantaneous.” This morning I was trying to think of people I know who are good at living in process, who seem comfortable with things that take a long time and a lot of tedious work. All the people I could think of are much older than me (and probably not raised on primetime television). I think there is something about simply living life that teaches you to trust process, and to trust God in the process. I am impatient with that… on top of everything else right now. My addiction runs very, very deep. And I am powerless in the face of it. I am frustrated, tired and want it to be done.

Perhaps it is the grace of God that I have no power to speed this up or snap my fingers and make it all complete. I am forced to live each moment, to do each task that is before me. Barbara Brown Taylor writes about the sacrament of living in our skin (in her newest book, Altar in the World). She reminds us that the most perfect revelation of God was Jesus– a human being with flesh, blood, hands, feet, hair, a nose, a beating heart, lungs, and nerves. I am learning that the best way to become like Jesus is to embrace my humanness, my limitations, just as He did. God’s grace will be revealed in me as I live fully in the present and live this process. It grates against my inner habits, though. It is hard to unlearn this addiction to the instant. Can’t I just send someone an email and get it taken care of?

Since, in many ways, I am powerless to fix this thing in me that rejects process, what do I do now? What does it look like for me to embrace this time and this work in my life? Any suggestions?

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Loretta
    Jun 10, 2010 @ 16:23:02

    Oh Kris Ann. This is not an easy task. I think your blog says it. An addiction is something that is lived with all the time. Working at it is a day to day process.

    There is something I am working on now that I get up everyday and have to hand it over to God. Many times I have to hand it over more then one time a day.

    SIGH! I am glad that God can still love me through this even when I am so impatient with myself. :<)

    When I read what I am typing I wondering if this is helpful.

    I will keep you in my prayers as you walk this road.

    Reply

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