bored September 22, 2009

I’m sitting on my family room floor watching the premiere of a new series on abc, called The Forgotten. It’s about civilian volunteers that take on cases of unidentified murder victims. The featured group of volunteers is trying to recruit a new guy, an artist who specializes in sculpting people. This dialogue struck me (not a direct quote from the show… just from my memory):

“I can’t do this. I can’t sculpt a dead girl. It’s creepy.”

“Fine. Go back to tagging city buildings. Go ahead.”

“Look, I was just bored… why do you do this? Why do you bother trying to identify these people… like telling their families their kid is dead is really gonna help. They’re already grieving. What difference does it make? Grief is grief.”

“There is a difference, and the difference matters. It matters a great deal. You can go back to being bored or you can help us make a difference. Choose.”

I have been talking to a friend quite a bit over the last few days about church and how one goes about choosing a church to call “home.” It has me thinking about why in the world I have chosen a church home that is 45 minutes away, in a community where I do not live or work (especially since being missional in my own community is a growing passion in my life).

The truth is I was bored. I was bored with programs and clubs and established systems that resist any change. I was bored with worship planning meetings and youth sponsor meetings that felt like they were planning the same events as last year, just renaming them. Honestly, it was more than boredom. It was frustrating! I wanted to stand up and say, “We can’t do every good thing! We can’t pursue every good idea. We need to make choices. We need to decide what our values are, how we can make the most difference in our community and drop the other stuff. There are plenty of churches offering programs and hardly any addressing the hidden poverty and suffering here… the resources of a large church directed at a specific need in the community could actually do something for the Kingdom, something more than maintaining what we have here.”

What I have discovered at Highland Park Community Church is a far cry from boredom. Sure, it also has it’s frustrations. But, wow. They are clear about the fact that they can’t and won’t do it all. They are clear about their values and if something doesn’t line up with the values, they let it go. Not because it’s necessarily bad or unbiblical but because they are crystal clear about what they are about– and it has nothing to do with buildings or campuses or clubs or catering to the particular tastes of the people in the pews. It has everything to do with bringing the Kingdom of God, in all of its justice and mercy and love and grace, into a visible expression in Levittown. That keeps my attention. You better believe it.

Struggling with mission August 26, 2009

One of my new responsibilities at Highland Park Community Church is to prayerfully shape our identity as a people “on mission with God.” The church is not the church unless it’s a sent people… just as Jesus was sent and the Holy Spirit was sent– we also are sent. It is our privilege and our burden to be part of God’s reconciling work in the world, reconciling all things to Himself through Jesus. God, your Kingdom come, your will be done here!

As well as I can articulate these things, still I have been struggling through this. Our little congregation is still a fledging faith community in so many ways. In our thoughts and “church habits” we are still steeped in the old ways of being church, doing church. There is a strong temptation to become the social club– you know, the men’s club, women’s club, children’s clubs, teen club. Our resources are few, and we could so easily end up dumping them into the clubs, with little if anything left to spend on our community.

I have talked to a few people who seem to want to convince me that the clubs are good and actually can be a ministry to our community… but I have grown up in that world… and it’s just not so. I apologize if that sounds overly critical. Add to that the facts of church work, that 20% of the people do 80% of the work, and I cannot in good conscience spend time and resources on the things that only serve to make us ingrown. Is Bible study a waste? No. Are small groups bad? No, of course not. Is Christian education for our children without purpose? No, I believe in solid Christian education for my own kids. I want them to know the Bible stories, to know how to connect with God.

However… (you knew that was coming, right?)… I have a strong conviction that we spend so much on these things, in an effort to build community in our churches, that we neglect our actual physical community, our neighborhoods and neighbors. We become a social club, a christian clique. So the question I am struggling with now is this: how do we build community at HPCC, this infant church, while also being on mission with God in our community? No Christian bubble, but authentic relationships that are outward focused, pouring our limited resources into our neighbors– spending our money and time and energy and talents on those alienated from God’s Love, Justice and Mercy. Is it possible that we will stumble upon authentic community while we work together on mission with God? Will it happen unintentionally, as we labor, shoulder to shoulder?

God is among the poor and oppressed (see Matthew 25). Where are they in Highland Park and how can we bring Good News to them? How do we, at the same time, bond with one another on the journey and form honest, loving relationships? It’s a conundrum… but one I’m glad to be in the middle of… I’d hate to be trying to “undo” the social club right now.

A must-read for men… and women June 12, 2009

Loving this post at Gifted for Leadership, concerning women’s contributions to church leadership throughout the ages! Read it if you’re an egalitarian. Read it if you’re a complimentarian. Read it if you’re undecided on the matter. Just please read it.

Ministry Doubts April 28, 2009

Great post from Maggi Dawn on the pressures of professional ministry on a person’s faith. I needed to read this today:

http://maggidawn.typepad.com/maggidawn/2009/04/is-my-faith-real.html

Found this poem April 13, 2009

A friend of mine posted this poem on her facebook page, and it has been on my mind since then. I sometimes struggle in ministry with doing things to please people or doing things to get affirmation… instead of BEING, and simply BEING FAITHFUL. I know and understand in my mind that ministry is definitely NOT about pleasing people, and that the motivation is twisted if it’s a motivation to get affirmation. But, ugh! I am so human! I pray that this prayer becomes part of my spiritual DNA.
——————————————————————————————–

Deliver me, Jesus –

from the desire of being loved
from the desire of being honored
from the desire of being praised
from the desire of being preferred to others
from the desire of being consulted
from the desire of being approved

from the fear of being humiliated
from the fear of being despised
from the fear of suffering rebuke
from the fear of being forgotten
from the fear of being wrong
from the fear of being suspected

And Jesus, grant me the grace to desire

that others might be loved more than I
that others might be esteemed more than I
that in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease
that others may be chosen and I set aside
that others may be praised and I unnoticed
that others may be preferred to me in everything
that others may become holier than I, provided that I become as holy as I should.

New Website March 24, 2009

Since November, we at Highland Park Community Church have been working with our hands and hearts in preparation for reLaunching (or a grand reOpening) on Easter Sunday (April 12, 2009).

We have been painting, cleaning, buffing floors, replacing windows, reconfiguring pews in a circular formation, purchasing new equipment… we have been studying the book of Philippians, discussing vision and mission, doing various OAKS in our community (Outrageous Acts of Kindness)… we have been praying for specific families in our community and for the larger community in general….

It’s been hard, at times exhausting work (I’m sure even more so for our pastor and her husband). And we have no idea what God is going to do on Easter Sunday. Will there be 30 people? 60? 100? 200? The theme of surrender has been on my heart the past few weeks. This is not truly “our” work. We’re participating with God in what He’s up to in Levittown. This is His… all of it… all the people…

I’m writing about this today because recently our website has gone LIVE. Check it out here:
www.highlandparkcc.org

Please pray that we will be faithful in being God’s instruments during reLaunch and beyond. Pray that we will be sensitive to the Spirit’s movement and release our dreams and hopes to God. Pray for strength and perseverance for our core group. Pray that God will prepare the community, the hearts of people, to receive His Love through us. Thank you!!!!

Not Nice February 24, 2009

I was surfing around some blogs this morning, while my kids were at preschool, and I ran across Maggi Dawn’s website and blog. I was sure I had heard her name before… maybe in emerging circles of conversation, I’m not sure.  I was reading some of her entries- excellent stuff! She is a university chaplain in the UK. She’s a musician, theologian, minister, writer, teacher…. has a wonderful appreciation for the ancient (in worship and theology), but is keeping an eye on what is emerging among new generations of Christians. I have a great deal of respect for people who live in that tension thoughtfully.

Here is a great entry from her blog on the expectation that a pastor should “be nice to everyone.” I love it:

http://maggidawn.typepad.com/maggidawn/2008/04/offending-peopl.html

The never-ending conversation January 26, 2009

Last Tuesday our seminary cohort sat down to (try to) tackle 1 Timothy 2 and the issue of the role(s) women should play within church. It has been years since I have heard anything new in this conversation. Basically, it’s all in how you read the text, how you understand the ancient context, and how you hold the whole Bible together. Reading only one of Paul’s passages on women or one of the Gospel stories where women play a major role or one of the Old Testament narratives involving women is dangerous. It’s dangerous because then one misses the depth and the contradictions that lie within the passages of this Book that we call our Authority.

As I wrote my paper last week and continued to think about this issue once again, this thought occured to me: my call in Christ, whatever specifics it might hold (preacher? teacher? pastor? shepherd? leader? who knows!), is a call to lay down my life just as Christ did. This call that I claim is a call to service, to slavery, to self-emptying love. Yes, even those who suffer injustice, whose voices are ignored or marginalized, who are abused and neglected— the call is the same for everyone. Part of me recognizes the deep truth in that and responds to it. Another part of me rages against that. I was born with a very sensitive justice radar, and my instincts rise up and urge me to take a stand against injustice. Someone has to name what’s wrong in this world WRONG. I am realizing now that this urge to stand against injustice is a gift, a very good thing, as long as I am using it on behalf of OTHERS rather than myself. My call is to lay down my life and not to take it up again. Ouch.

This is not say that I think I should stay in a situation where I am being marginalized or my voice is not taken seriously. I think at times in our lives, it may be completely appropriate to step away from a task for the sake of our own mental, emotional, spiritual health… perhaps even for the health of the group in which we were serving… and to state the reasons why: “This position was not life-giving for me. I found it difficult to function in healthy ways here. I do not believe I was a good match for this group.” On the other hand, if we are stepping away out of a desire to punish them for what they did to us, or to teach them something or get back at them… can you sense the difference in the attitude? One is Christ-like living. The other is not.

Here is a great quote from The Shack by William Young (p. 148ff):

[Jesus is speaking here] “Mack, don’t you see how filling roles is the opposite of relationship? We [God] want[s] male and female to be counterparts, face-to-face equals, each unique and different, distinctive in gender but complementary, and each empowered uniquely by [the Holy Spirit] from whom all true power and authority originates… I came as a man to complete a wonderful picture in how we made you. From the first day we hid the woman within the man, so that at the right time we could remove her from within him. We didn’t create man to live alone; she was purposed from the beginning. By taking her out of him, he birthed her in a sense. ” “Oh, I get it, ” Mack interjected…”If the female had been created first, there would have been no circle of relationship, and thus no possibility of a fully equal face-to-face relationship.” “Exactly, Mack… Our desire was to create a being that had a fully equal and powerful counterpart, the male and the female. But your independence with its quest for power and fulfillment actually destroys the relationship your heart longs for… Just like love, submission is not something that you can do, especially not on your own.”

In Genesis 1 & 2, 1 Corinthians 11, Ephesians 5 and 1 Timothy 2, I see this theology. Mutuality, partnership, mutual submission, servanthood, a willingness to empty oneself for the other. There is no grabbing for position or power. There is no concern for proper hierarchy or positional authority. The concern is an unbroken circle of relationship.

“Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man or man independent of woman. For just as woman came from man, so man comes through woman, but ALL THINGS COME FROM GOD.” 1 Cor. 11:12

Do I still get angry when I encounter systems that marginalize and devalue female wisdom and leadership? Yes, of course I do! Am I learning to let God be the justice-bringer? Am I learning to love and serve those who believe differently than me? I sure hope so. I want to be faithful to Christ’s call.

Cracking the shell November 24, 2008

My three year old son, Ben, is in a frustrating stage right now– and it’s frustrating for all of us, I might add, including the cat. He wants to zip up his coat himself, but two seconds later, he’s crying for me to do it. He wants to open his own yogurt cup, but then claims he can’t do it. He wants to put on his own shoes, but then begs me to put them on for him. He’s a walking paradox, wanting to be his own person at the same time he wants us to do things for him because he is convinced he can’t do them.  Needless to say, it creates some very tense and unproductive moments in our house (especially when we’re trying to get out the door to some appointment!).

I’ve realized something recently, though– or maybe I should say I’ve realized it AGAIN, because I think I’ve known this about myself for a while– I’m also a walking paradox.  I push against closed doors, scream and cry when I’m not given enough freedom, while at the same time I hesitate to make decisions and take less when I’m offered more. I am more certain today of who I am and what God has created me to be and do, but I’m also more intimidated by the consequences of my actions now than I was when I was in my twenties. I’ve made mistakes. I know what happens when I screw things up.

I never would have categorized myself as a “people pleaser.” I’m way too opinionated and stubborn for that label. I’m a rebel of sorts, and I’ll question assumptions and ask ‘why’ until people are ready to throw me out the window. But someone said to me recently that my thirst for affirmation is holding me back, seriously holding me back… from fuller and more effective ministry, from truly living into my calling. And she’s right.

To be honest, it’s more than that (and I think she knows this, too). Underneath my outgoing, confident shell, is a very frightened girl. She’s afraid of failure and rejection, yes, but she’s also afraid of success. “To whom more is given, more is expected.”  If I gain success, there’s more to lose when I fail the next time. I don’t trust myself.

I was on a seminary retreat this weekend and was praying about some of these things, and I realized the extent of the self-centeredness of this whole line of thinking. I like being self-reflective, but I do not like how self-absorbed I become when I start thinking in terms of success and failure. Because here’s the thing: Who the hell cares, either way?  My life is really NOT crucial to the world! What matters is my First Love, my Lord and His Kingdom. As I become less focused on my job, my job performance, my success or failure, I will be more focused on His Mission to reconcile the world to Himself.

Our retreat speaker gave us a beautiful breath-prayer that I will be using this week:

(breathe in) There is Another

(breathe out) Who lives in me

(in) There is Another

(out) Who completes me

(in) There is Another

(out) Whose righteousness is my own

It’s not about me– how well I do, how I am received, accepted or rejected. Christ lives in me, He completes me and His Kingdom has come, is coming and will come– no matter what I do, this is true. Blessed be His Name!

An Update… October 1, 2008

I thought it only fair to dedicate a whole new post to James Dobson and Focus on the Family. I am glad to see that conservative Christians are taking a stand against those who would stoop to immaturity and smears and racism.

My sister did, in fact, find a link where an official from Focus on the Family apologized for having the organization’s name in any way associated with “Obama Waffles.” Thank you, Focus on the Family… and thanks to my sister, Jennifer, for finding the link.  Here it is, in case you didn’t see her final comment on my post “Values & Errors.”

http://www.citizenlink.org/CLNews/A000008270.cfm